I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
