I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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