Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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