If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am one with the molecules
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
