he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
