You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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