My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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