no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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