just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
