so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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