Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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