if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it penis luge time yet?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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