She's JV to your varsity
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize