i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
