When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
