First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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