This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
