It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
