O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
