Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
