highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I AM VODKA MAN
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
