How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
