and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
