She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
