Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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