I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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