Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
