Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
