I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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