y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
