a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
