My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
