It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
