She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
