No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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