If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
