There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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