You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
