i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
