Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
