The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize