Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I want to fling myself into the sun
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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