Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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