I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
