he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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