the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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