remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
