So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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