question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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