The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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