This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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