Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize