we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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