Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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