Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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