Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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