his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
as a side note pls kill me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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