I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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