oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So much Jack, so little girl.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
