He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
