do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
