How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
