Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize