I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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