Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
