i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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